Random Ramblings

Procrastinating the Inevitable...

Best of 2008...

By thePatrick

So, it seems to be the popular thing to do to list a bunch of things at the end of the year. Best new sitcoms. Best restaurant entrees eaten. Best Wal-Mart bathroom stories. Me, I like music. Lots. Some of it you have heard of. Some of it, you have not. Unless you are Norte and Christy, then you have heard of all of them, because I make you. Either way, I present my list of top 10 CD releases in 2008. EPs don't count, only full length releases. How did I come up with this list? I simply looked at which ones I listened to the most throughout the year. If I'm listening to it, it must be good. And my apologies to Norte again for not putting Get Set Go in the top 10.

10) Headlights - Some Racing, Some Stopping
This has been a favorite band of Christy and mine ever since the Photo Atlas didn't show up to a show. Self described as "Indie Pop with a Shoegazy Aftertaste," they're good enough that Tegan went to two of their concerts before she was born. Plus, they're really down to earth people and will chat with you after a show about being an angsty teenager. (Favorite Track - Get Your Head Around It)

9) Lightspeed Champion - Falling Off the Lavender Bridge
Former guitarist for Test Icicles (yes, that was a real band) left the angular sound behind and picked up an acoustic guitar and started making some folky rock tunes. By all means, you really should check out the video on Youtube for Galaxy of the Lost. Nothing says fun like watching a man with the worst hair ever sing along with muppets. Plus, he sings to a kitten. (Favorite Track - I Could Have Done This Myself)

8) The Mars Volta - The Bedlam in Goliath
A word of warning: If you are not already familiar with The Mars Volta, then this album will sound like a bunch of stuff/noise going on all at the same time. However, if you have already listened to their earlier albums (Tremulant, De-Loused in the Comatorium, Francis the Mute, Amputecture) then this album will build on the admiration you have for their talents. (Favorite Track - Metatron)

7) Bayside - Shudder
I don't know why, but I love me some Bayside. I love the energy that is put off by their songs. For those of you that remember, they released an album last year that also made it to My Top 10 of 2007. Bayside makes me smile. Maybe it's because their name makes me think of Saved By the Bell, maybe it's because they just rule and everyone should deal with that fact. (Favorite Track - I Can't Go On)

6) Conor Oberst - Conor Oberst
Bright Eyes singer Conor Oberst finally left the stage name behind and made an album as himself. This is one of the most relaxing yet rocking CDs I heard this year. I can't count the times that I was walking around campus with this playing in my earphones. There is just something about growing up while your favorite artist grows up too. Oddly, this album is mature, but keeps the Bright Eyes vibe. (Favorite Track - I Don't Want to Die (In a Hospital))

5) Portugal. The Man - Censored Colors
Yes, there is a period. I'm sure there's a reason. I don't know why. What I do know is that these dudes can wail. Seriously. And they sport a toy piano. Like Bayside, they sported an album last year that rocked my socks off. They again rule. If you ever get to see them live, go. It's worth it. Plus, a fact that I cannot overemphasize, their keyboard/bongo player looks like George Michael Bluth. (Favorite Track(s) - Colors/And I)

4) Ben Folds - Way to Normal
Earlier this year, I was able to do something I'd wanted to since I was a freshman in high school, see Ben Folds live. Christy and I, Norte and Catherine, and my parents (yes, my parents) went down to SLC and saw Ben Folds rawk the "Great Saltair." For real, it was one of the best concerts I've ever seen. Plus, I've already posted a music video on the blog. (Favorite Track (and Christy will vouch for it)- You Don't Know Me)

3) Jaguar Love - Take Me To The Sea
The fact that I can rate them as #3 is a testament to the love my wife has for me. Christy hates, and I mean HATES this band. In her eyes (and ears) there is no redeeming quality they have. Yet she lets me listen to them. A lot. Usually with headphones. But boy do they make me happy. My ears dance a happy little jig whenever I hear them. So, I rate them third, and nominate Christy for "Wife of the Year" in the same sentence. (Favorite Track - Jaguar Pirates)

2) The Faint - Faciinatiion
The Faint make me smile. They make me dance. They make me wish I had more talent with a synthasizer. And when you go to their concert, you are treated to their lead singer dressing like Dr. Horrible himself. Norte and I went to their concert this year, and I'm going to speak for him and say it was one of the best shows I've ever been to. This album could cure leprosy. (Favorite Track - The Geeks Were Right)

1) Reggie and the Full Effect - Last Stop Crappy Town
Reggie is angry. His last CD was all about his divorce. This is angrier. Like, going to Wal-Mart angry. Like getting cut off in traffic angry. Like getting called into work on your day off angry. All of that. Combined. And multiplied by a brazillion. Best. Reggie. CD. Yet. And since he has now "quit" (see the air quotes? I stole them from Leathermouth) you should get him while you can. (Favorite Track - V Train)

Good Listening!

Tegan's Eyes...

By thePatrick

Are blue.
Christy took this photo a while back, but I'm a little slow posting it. Is my little girl cute or what?

See, Christmas Really IS for Everyone...

By thePatrick

"But Patrick", you may say in protest, "sure I like Christmas, but the songs and movies are so bad. I mean, if we were all still living in a suburban paradise in the 1950s they would be swell, but what is there for me?"
"What could you mean?" I reply.
"Well, I love Christmas, don't get me wrong. But I also love death metal. And Arnold Schwarzenegger movies/quotes. What could possibly exist that could help me better celebrate the holiday season?"

"This" *wink* "Merry Christmas."

Wierdest. Walmart. Experience. Ever.

By thePatrick

So, you know how I love a good Wal-mart post. This actually happened just over a week ago, but with finals week in full swing, I've kind of been neglecting the blog. I promise I love you all. And to prove it, I give you this story. It's long, but if the laughter of my coworkers and family is any indication, it's well worth the read.
I have to start out by telling you that Christy had sent some pictures online to Wal-mart to get developed. They should have been done (we gave them 3 days for a 1 day development) but when we went earlier, they weren't there. So the lady told us that if we gave them an hour or so, they would get them done for us. I had to run to work, but Christy was able to go back. When she got there, the lady told us that there were not any pictures for us. We never ordered them, even though she told us she found the order. Reason was, she thought we were someone else. So, I took off from work while the kids were in a family group session to talk with the "special" people who work at the Wal-Mart photo lab. Long story short, they asked us to give them until the end of the week, and they would call us when the pictures were done. So, I figured that Wal-mart owed me something, so I went to use their facilities, if you catch my drift.
This is where things started to get weird.
I entered an empty restroom, which was new for a Wal-mart. However, within a couple of minutes I heard a young kid come in and use the urinal. When he backed away, the automatic flushing toilet scared him, and he started screaming. I chuckled to myself. Then I looked up at the gap between the door and the stall wall, and staring at me like Jack Nicholson in The Shining was this kid. Well, technically, it was only his eye, but that's creepy enough for me. So he asked me what I was doing. Having the tact that I do, I told him I was pooping. I figured that since everybody poops, he should know that I was fairly normal, too. Then he crouched down on the floor and reached his hand inside the stall, trying to grab at my shoes. Double creepy. Remembering that I work where I work, and knowing that I, a 26 year old man, was alone in the bathroom with a little kid who was lying on the floor and giggling, I asked him to leave me alone. I suggested that he go over to the next stall and use it. He told me he had already gone, but he would go over anyway. At this point, I'm done, but am afraid to finish my business. Who knows when the kid will stick his head back through the door? The next thing I knew, he was lying down on his stomach with his head starting to peek under the door, looking up at me like some psychotic precious moments doll. At this point, I told him that he really needed to go somewhere else. Also, I'm wondering where in the world his parents are. I don't want my little girl to be alone ever; and definitely not alone in a Wal-mart bathroom.
Anyway, the next thing I know, he goes over to the next stall, lifts up the lid, then slams it shut. Again, the sound of the flush scares him. I hear him scream, leave the stall, and he runs out of the bathroom. Or at least I thought so. I heard a big thud, which I only assume was him hitting the wall. But was he done? Of course not. Trapped inside my prison of a stall, I heard him wander back into the other stall and lift the lid up again, only to slam it down once more. Of course the flush makes him scream, and he runs out of the stall. However, this time, instead of making it all the way to a wall, he slips. Falls. Screams. Cries.
So now, let us reassess the situation. I am trapped in a bathroom stall with my pants around my ankles. There is a screaming child on the floor. I do not like this situation. Luckily, his dad comes in. Finally. And makes fun of his child for slipping on the bathroom floor. But, he escorts him from the bathroom, for which I am eternally grateful.
Wal-mart. Always low class. Always.

Memories from my Idiot Box...

By thePatrick

So, earlier today, Tegan and I were doing some Festivus shopping, and she decided that she was uber-hungry. Being the ever prepared dad that I am, I prepared a bottle full of delicious formula for her to much on right there. Yes, I fed her in the store. Luckily for me, we were in the middle of Borders. Also luckily for me, there are oodles of chairs by the DVD section, so while she went to town on some Similac, I perused the TV series that are for sale and reminiced about those series from long (and not so long) past.

You see, we don't get television. We live in a black hole of television reception, and we're too cheap to shell out for dish or cable service, so we live on movies and TV series that we own. We own the basics (The Office, Spongebob Squarepants, some King of the Hill) but as I was sitting there, I quickly formulated my list of 4 shows that I one day will own on DVD. And since only two of the shows are available right now, it should be fairly easy. If anyone out there is willing to help a brother out (I'm someone's brother), feel free to donate.

Flight of the Conchords - Quick summary: Radtastic band who bill themselves as "Formerly New Zealand's fourth most popular guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo", come to New York and try to make it big. Complete with musical numbers.

The Venture Bros. - Quick summary: Son of famous super-scientist tries to follow in his father's footsteps but sucks hardcore. Has a rad bodyguard. Clones his two sons who are prone to death. Has a nemisis who dresses up like a monarch butterfly.

Parker Lewis Can't Lose - Quick summary: I like Ferris Buehler's Day Off, and if they were to make a TV show out of it, this is what it would be like. 'Nuff Said. Oh, and it's not out on DVD, so I will probably just have to dream about it.

Duckman - Quick summary: When my family first moved to Preston, for some unexplicable reason we had cable (I honestly think the previous owners pirated it, and we were "slow" in taking care of the problem). Private detective/duck voiced by Jason Alexander (i.e. George Costanza) runs around with his wife, farting grandma-ma, stupid jock son, two headed son(s) and pig partner. Also not out on DVD.

So am I the only person who remembers the last two?

A Handy Flowchart for my Forwarding Pals...

By thePatrick

I promise I still love you all...

A Quiz...

By thePatrick

So, a friend of mine from Calgary put this up on their Facebook, and I thought it was worth a try. Here's the deal. I have put my itunes on shuffle. I will write the first two lines of each of the first 25 songs, regardless of embarrassment level. I will check off each song as someone guesses correctly. Yes, it is considered cheating if you use a search engine. I may not know, but someone, somewhere will. Ready? GO!

X) Drain tarnished blood form bones, Let those poisons dry up.
Until it Kills - Midtown

X) Here in your bedroom I can turn my head off, the less that I feel is the less that I'm on top.
Here In Your Bedroom - Goldfinger

X) I can't stand it, I know you planned it, I'm a set it straight, this Watergate.
Sabotage - The Beastie Boys

X) Gravity plays favorites, I know it 'cause I saw.
Gravity - The Dresden Dolls

5) We were just a plain old hillbilly band with a plain old country style, We never played the kind of songs that would drive anybody wild.

6) He was an artist and a writer and a poet and a friend, In a man's life, he will take a fall but how low he goes that just depends.

7) I'm gonna love you like no one's loved you, come rain or come shine.
Come Rain of Come Shine - Etta James/Frank Sinatra/Ray Charles (I'd have allowed either one)

X) Look at him working, wearing his hands to the bone just to prove where he came from.
Bellies are Full - Portugal. The Man

9) Piece by piece and bit by bit, I will break this down for you real slow.

10) Hey tired man I see you walk alone, The wrinkles on your face a map of all your pain.

11) Is everything a baited hook, and are there locks on our doors?

12) You got my pride hangin' outta my bed, You messin' with my life so I brought my lead

XX) Life life, live life like you're gonna die, because you're gonna.
You'll Have Time - William Shatner

14) Why can't we let our mouths devour each other? Why can't we turn those miles into inches, letters into breath, years into seconds?

15) This is the closest to this friend that I've been, I hope you find it on greener ground and bluer skies.

XX) Are you such a dreamer, to put the world to rights?
2+2=5 - Radiohead

XX) Do you remember a time when this city was a great place for architects and debutantes?
Black History Month - Death From Above 1979

18) Gib mir nur fünf Minuten, Gleich mir nicht okay.

19) Lately I'm alright, and lately I'm not scared.

XX) The record goes from blue to gold, So thank you for all your help.
Backstabber - The Dresden Dolls

21) Shut down, falling over once again, Dropped out, hand extended for a friend

XX) I took her out, it was a Friday night, I woke alone to get the feeling right.
What's My Age Again? - Blink 182

XX) Your boyfriend, he likes you but does he really try, Can he do what I do should you just say goodbye?
Your Girlfriends Hate Me - Reggie and the Full Effect

24) The lights go down outside, before our cars collide, And so we sillouette ourselves for these shades of fire.

25) Don't forget to kiss me, If you're really going to leave.

Good luck, and feel free to do the same thing on your blog.

Look What I Found...

By thePatrick

While I was pretending to take notes during class but was really surfing the interwebs. For those of you who are wondering what to give to your favorite thePatrick for Christmas/Hanukkah/Festivus, head on over to cottonfactory.com to snag one of these fine specimens. 100% of all thePatricks who were interviewed for this post said they would gladly accept any of these.

Veteran's Day and My Last Political Rant for a While...

By thePatrick

First, I feel I should start this potentially long, drawn out post with a thank you to Veterans worldwide. Particularly, thanks to those of you with whom I served. Nobody will ever be able to know what exactly we went through, because there is no way to accurately describe it. The tastes, the smells, the noises, the emotions. Everyone's experience was different, but we went through it together. Christy has found out that it's more difficult for me to talk about it with her than with someone who was there, because the experience is hard to explain.

Some past posts may have people thinking that I regret having signed up to serve. Far from the truth. I am proud to think that I was able to sign up as a 17 year old and fulfill that commitment to our country. People have asked if I ever thought of trying to get out of going to Iraq. That never crossed my mind. I signed up for eight years, and I spent the entire time doing what was asked of me. Call it brainwashing if you'd like. I signed up on August 10, 1999 and was honorably discharged on November 28, 2007. I signed the papers and did what I said I would. I am proud of my service. Were it not for my experiences in the Army, I would not be the person I am today, and I would not have the friends I have. Norte, Matticus, Schmadam (sorry, no link), Leslita, Sgt. Hotlips, Missy, Seckel, Daddy Hodge, Raisor, Mason, the list goes on and on.
Shortly after the Presidential elections, I alluded to the fact that I would not tell you who I voted for. This is America. I don't have to tell you who I voted for. However, my experiences in the Army were a huge deciding factor when it came to casting my ballot. Rather than trying to be eloquent and typing up a big explanation, I found a blog written by another veteran, Ernie Stewart. All credit goes to him, but, other than editing for language, I echo his feelings.
I'm one of the few people who still believe that going in and removing Saddam by force was the right move. He and his lunatic sons, for that matter because they would have gladly carried on the madness when daddy was gone. We're talking about a guy who used chemical weapons against his own people, who thumbed his nose at UN weapons inspectors, who shot at jets patrolling the no-fly zone, and was an all around douche. Invading Iraq to force him from power was the right thing to do. It should have been done back in 1991, having failed that it should have been done by Clinton, and having failed that it should have been done by GWB. Which it was. Uday and Qusay departed their worldly vessels in July of 2003, and Saddam was captured five months later in December of the same year. When that happened, our 'To Do' list was all checked off. Saddam driven from power in December of 2003? Then American boots start facing homeward in January of 2004. By the time Saddam hung from the neck until dead in 2006, Iraq should have been a completely sovereign nation. Listen, when the Revolutionary War ended, the French didn't hang around and force us to establish a government that thought the way they do. They got back on their ships, waved, scoffed at the English, and got the heck out of Dodge. Let me ask you this: how is Iraq different today than it was in 2007? Or 2006? Or 2005? Our troops are on their third and fourth tours, patrolling the same streets, driving down the same roads, getting shot at by the same rooftops. The only difference is now they've all got great tans. I think the American presence in Iraq has done all it's going to do. I think any steps to Iraq takes towards the future will have to be fueled by the blood sweat and tears of the Iraqi people, not ours.
I voted for Obama, mostly based on his stance on Iraq. Yes, I live in Utah, so while it was a valiant thing to do, it was pointless (i.e. thanks electoral college, you're welcome McCain). My experiences in Iraq are the same exact experiences that troops are having now. I feel that good was done. We did what we had to do, but now is the time to call it a day. This can be done without disgracing what our Veterans have done.
So, go out and thank a Veteran. Heaven knows, we don't get enough thanks for the crap we had to put up with. And to the ROTC program at USU, there are better ways of doing that then through unannounced artillery fire during the middle of classes. The best way to honor and remember people who were around explosions is not to randomly shoot off cannons. Just a thought.

Xtreme People Watching...

By thePatrick

This could bring it to the next level. I am so doing this...


By thePatrick

For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past year, today is Election Day. So, I don't care who you're voting for, you need to go out and vote. Are you a left leaning liberal? Vote. Are you even more conservative than my main man Chris? Vote. If for no other reason than so that you will have the right to complain. If you're guy gets in, congratulations. You're a winner, too. If he doesn't, then you automatically get the right to complain about every boneheaded move made during their tenure in office. Did I go vote? You bet your boots I went and voted today. I was in Iraq trying to bring the right to vote to an entire nation. How would it look if I didn't vote? Who did I vote for? You see, that's one of the great parts of being American. I don't have to tell you. I may never tell you. I could have been saying I would vote for someone all along, and when I got in the booth been ticked off at the world, and written in Darth Vader. Doesn't matter. I don't have to tell you. I voted for my guy. You vote for your guy. If your guy and my guy happen to be the same guy, well big freakin' deal. Vote. Polls close around 7pm most places. Hopefully most of you already voted. But there's still time. Go vote. VOTE!

The Masses Have Spoken...

By thePatrick

And they have overwhelmingly told me to knock it off and stop being dumb. Twenty people voted on my magic poll about Grad School and a vast majority told me to shut up, sit down, and finish what I'm doing now before I worry too much about the next phase of school.

I guess this is a problem I have. Christy was talking with me about it the other day, as we were watching Google Earth drive us from Logan, UT to Indiana. She commented that I always focus on the future, sometime losing sight of the present. I have done this for as long as I remember. Problem is, my plans for the future seem to change all the freaking time. Take my school plans, for example.
Pre-mission, I wanted to go into medicine. I even declared that as my major when I went to ISU. Then I went to Iraq, and kind of had enough of the whole medicine thing. I went to USU and declared myself a Political Science major, planning on Law School. Then I realized that I like History way more than Political Science, and changed my major again. For a while, I thought about still going to Law School. Then, it changed to teaching High School. Then it changed again and the new plan was getting a Masters and teaching at a community college somewhere, until I got my PhD. And now, the plan is Grad School in History/Library Science. Whatever. I'm sure it will change again, and I'll apply where I apply, if I apply, and post another poll, which is what you all wanted me to do anyway.
Whew! Focus on the task at hand! Silly Patrick...

Happy Halloween...

By thePatrick

The following video contains the three things that are necessary for the Halloween holiday.
1) The Nightmare Before Christmas
2) The Corpse Bride
3) Oingo Boingo

It's All Crystal...

By thePatrick

So, apparently finances in America have hit a little hiccup. Luckily, while perusing the web this weekend, I stumbled upon these gems. Don't know if anybody has tried these approaches yet, but they really should consider them.

To Beard or Not to Beard...

By thePatrick

So, it seems like for the last little while of my life, I've rocked the beard. Most of the time, when people ask me why, I tell them that I have it to protect me from the harsh winter elements. Like I really need an excuse. So, in my many browsings of the interweb, I stumbled across this site titled "10 Very Good Reasons Why You Should Grow a Giant Beard." Check it out here.
I rest my case.

A Point of Clarification...

By thePatrick

On the poll. Indiana, Maryland, S.C. and Wayne State all offer the dual degree. USU and U of U both only offer the M.A. in History. I don't know if that changes your vote or not. And seriously, let me know which one you chose and why. Because I'm nosy like that. It may be election season, but this isn't a secret ballot.
And I don't care who you are voting for, the picture for this post should make you laugh.

A Long, Drawn Out Post About My Post-Graduation Plans...

By thePatrick

So, lately I have seen a bunch of friends and family that I hadn't for a while. During the usual catching up, they all ask about how school is going, and then ask what it is I'm studying. When I tell them I'm a History major with a Philosophy minor, obviously they ask me about job prospects. Let's face it, it's not like during these economic times people are begging for historians and philosophers to come and save the world.
Believe it or not, lately the plan has been to punish myself even further by going on to Grad School. Originally I had toyed with the idea of going on to get my PhD in History and becoming a professor. At least until recently when I met with my adviser.
My adviser just happens to be a History professor. He told me that being a History might not be the smartest idea ever. Again, it's not like people are pining for the days when historians were more readily available. But, he gave me a suggestion, and the more I thought about it, the better it sounded. He had recently written a letter of recommendation for a past student who just started Grad School this fall. He is getting a joint Master's degree in History and Library Science. With that degree you could work in the archives of a library, or as a curator in a museum, or something else of that nature, which fits along well with my nerd-ness.
So, the more I looked into it, the more I liked it. I searched the internet and I could find four universities that offer the joint M.A. in History and Library Science. Indiana University, University of Maryland, University of South Carolina, and Wayne State University (in Detroit).
Now, graduation is about a year off, and all my applications for Grad School would be due shortly before that, but that's not the important thing. The important thing is the poll at the top of the page, because I want to know what you think. Where should Patrick go? I'm interested to see what you say. Poll closes at the end of the month. And leave a comment here, too.
Long and drawn out enough for you?

And Yet Again, USU Astounds Me...

By thePatrick

So, apparently my last post made some people sad. That really wasn't the intent, but to have you laugh at the dumbness that was mine to enjoy for 8+ years. But, to make everyone feel better, I have this...
Now be happy.
For reals...

What I'm Sure the Army Meant to Write to Me...

By thePatrick

For those of you that don't know, my contract with the Army was up last fall. They still pay me the G.I. Bill (although decreased significantly) to go to school. They decreased it as soon as I left, but kept paying me the higher rate. So, this semester (and however long they want to keep it up for) they are going to just not pay me to make up for their mistake until they get their money back. They sent an official letter, but it was really wordy, so I'm going to type up what they meant to say for you to read.

Dear beloved Army Veteran,
Thanks ever so much for going to Iraq for us. I know that it really sucks that we promise to send you to school, but you can't argue that winning the Heisman in NCAA Football 06 and beating Grand Theft Auto wasn't educational. Naturally, we appreciate the fact that you got blown up multiple times, and were shot at, too. But hey, we gave you a nifty piece of paper and a couple of badges, so we feel that we're square.
Now, we know that you've been going to school, trying to put your Army past behind you. Good for you, but we still want to mess up your life. Even more than making you scared of fireworks and flashes of light. We love you enough to give you the benefits that Truman set up for WWII vets, but here's the deal. You got out a month and a half after your original contract expired. In all your talk with us, we failed to mention that if you do that the amount of your G.I. Bill will be cut by about 37%. We know, you were planning on using that money to help pay off your wife's anesthesia bills or your mortgage, and it's not like the U.S. economy is at it's strongest. But still, we're going to do it. Just another way for the Army to screw with you after you're done with us.
Two To Ya,
Uncle Sam

That's about it. I found out about this a week ago, but had to wait this long to be able to post something that I could read to my little girl and not feel bad for using foul language. I'm better. Still mildly pissed, but better. Also, my parents rock. Mom and dad, thanks for understanding.

How to Write Real Good...

By thePatrick

I have recently found a blog written by a professor somewhere in the Los Angeles area. He's kind of witty, loves his job and his family, and even makes fun of Sarah Palin shooting Bullwinkle. But, none of that matters. What matters is that a majority of my classes this semester require me to write papers of varying lengths, anywhere from 6 to 20 pages. So, I was tickled when he posted a piece that he found in the New York Times by William Safire. At least these rules are atributed to him. Read, use, enjoy.

1. Always avoid alliteration.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague-they’re old hat.
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.
8. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
9. Contractions aren’t necessary.
10. Do not use a foreign word when there is an adequate English quid pro quo.
11. One should never generalize.
12. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
13. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
14. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
15. It behooves you to avoid archaic expressions.
16. Avoid archaeic spellings too.
17. Understatement is always best.
18. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
19. One-word sentences? Eliminate. Always!
20. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
21. The passive voice should not be used.
22. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
23. Don’t repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
24. Who needs rhetorical questions?
25. Don’t use commas, that, are not, necessary.
26. Do not use hyperbole; not one in a million can do it effectively.
27. Never use a big word when a diminutive alternative would suffice.
28. Subject and verb always has to agree.
29. Be more or less specific.
30. Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.
31. Use youre spell chekker to avoid mispeling and to catch typograhpical errers.
32. Don’t repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
33. Don’t be redundant.
34. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
35. Don’t never use no double negatives.
36. Poofread carefully to see if you any words out.
37. Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
38. Eschew obfuscation.
39. No sentence fragments.
40. Don’t indulge in sesquipedalian lexicological constructions.
41. A writer must not shift your point of view.
42. Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!
43. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
44. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
45. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
46. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
47. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
48. Always pick on the correct idiom.
49. The adverb always follows the verb.
50. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
51. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be by rereading and editing.
52. And always be sure to finish what

I Don't Know What To Say...

By thePatrick

No seriously, I've got nothing...

Looking to Kill Some Time This Weekend???

By thePatrick

So, it took me a while, but I finally found a template for the blog. I tend to like it. Let me know what you think. Anyway, it's Conference Weekend. Pajama Church, as I like to call it. But I'm headed to Pocatello (don't ask). So, I decided to leave you the best 5 links I found lately. They made me smile. Chiggity-Check it...

Ever wonder what your name would be if you were born a Palin?

Think you know your U.S. Presidents?
How much of what the candidates say is utter crap?
The Apocalypse is coming...do you know what to do?
Sweet merciful heaven, this game is addicting

There you go. Enjoy life. Until next time.

Do You Believe In Gosh???

By thePatrick

So, because good things should never die, Mitch Hedberg released a CD this year. He's been dead since 2005. That doesn't matter. These are some of my favorite jokes from the CD.

  • Remember that show "My Three Sons?" That'd be funny if it was called "My One Dad."
  • I'm sick of Soup of the Day. It's time we make a decision!
  • I got a vest. If I had my arms cut off, it would be a jacket.
  • I got an idea for sweatshops...Air conditioning!
  • NyQuil on the rocks...for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
  • Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool opotamus?
  • If I was the headless horseman's horse, I would mess with that dude. "Yeah, we're going that way. We're not headed towards the hay."
  • When I'm on my hotel elevator, I like to pretend like someone else's floor is wrong. Like, if someone gets on and presses 3 I'm like "You're on 3? Hahahaha! Dude, I don't think I can ride with you"
  • I wish all my clothes were made out of blankets. That way, if I fall asleep with my clothes on , well, I'm tucked in!
  • A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.
  • I got New Balance shoes on, but they're old, so I might start falling.
There are more, but I think that will suffice. Trust me, it's funny.

Best Pie Chart Ever...

By thePatrick

song chart memes

My "Feel Good" moments this week...

By thePatrick

First of all, look at this picture. My little girl finally fell asleep as we were on our way to Matticus' house, and I had to snap the picture to forever memorialize her cheeks. Yes, her dad bought her that rad-tastic beanie. As Christy already mentioned this week, we think that about 75% of her body weight is in her cheeks.

Second is kind of bittersweet. Angie got the sweetest job ever. For those of you that don't know, my sister Angie is awesome and has been watching Tegan a couple of hours at a time two days a week while Christy is at work and I have class. Without pay. Not even a brownie or two. She has been awesome with Tegan, and Tegan sure is going to miss her aunt Angie time. (Insert plea for cheap-as-free babysitter here).

Third, because my sister is awesome, and because she actually reads my blog, she gave me a pack of Haribo Mini Rainbow Frogs. Just because she saw them and thought of me. She loves me.

Fourth, my Brenda-in-law mailed us a package, complete with a jack-o-lantern onsie for Tegan, and Fruit Snacks for me. She also loves me.

Fifth, check out this duck-like bird. I was walking home from school, and it was just kind of chilling on the sidewalk. It didn't even try to move. Ducks are pretty much cool, and if you don't believe me, then you obviously are unaware of the tendancy my wife has of adopting ducks. I figured this one didn't need me too bad, so I let it be. Still rad.

Sixth, one of the on call guys at work called me yesterday asking if he could work for someone on Thursday. I work Thursday, so now I get the day off. Troy, if you read this, I promise that now I will stop stalking you.

So, even though I have a bunch of stuff going on (work, school, church, etc.) there are moments that make it all okay. I am thePatrick, and I approve this message.

See, shopping can be fun!!!

By thePatrick

First, thanks to Huenemanniac for this. Second, this would be a way to survive shopping...so can I have a video camera please?

Inspired by Norte's Allred video...

By thePatrick

Ben Folds + Tim & Eric (of Awesome Show, Great Job fame) = Coolest Music Video this year

Even if it means going to Russia in February...

By thePatrick

Norte, Huff and I have a goal. We are going to make the 2014 Olympics. "But Patrick," you may ask, "how do you plan on doing that? Those are Winter Games! You don't ski, you don't play hockey, you don't ice dance. Plus, your midsection is soft as rotted fruit. What event could you possibly compete in?"
Easy. The best one. Curling. We are in a curling class, and I personally have decided (and I think that they are with me) that we are going to become obsessed with the sport (and it is a sport). If rhythmic gymnastics can make the Olympics, then sliding 44 lb stones down the ice sure counts. What do I mean by obsessed? I am going to join the curling club on campus. I am going to join the Cache Valley Stone Society. I am going to pay my dues to be a member of the US Curling Association. One day I will own my own broom. I'm not saying that one of us will captain the team, but heck if we aren't going to try. So, any of you in the Cache Valley area, this Monday at 7:30 pm at the Eccles Ice Arena is open ice. Come and learn how. You don't even need to wear skates. Your street shoes will suffice. See you there. Oh, and for a sweet curling video (yes, they do exist) check out Norte's blog.

Should I be more stressed than I am???

By thePatrick

So, school has started again. Joy of joys. Thus far, the semester has started off swimmingly. As in, my student loans paid for school (blah) but I still have not received the money from the school. Which, of course, means that I don't have any of my textbooks. Scratch that, I have the one that I need for my Philosophy class. I did talk to the financial aid people today, and they "confirmed" that my check should arrive either today or tomorrow. Not today, but thanks anyway. It's kind of hard to be caught up with your work when you can't read anything. Luckily, it is still the first week, and the professors are at least semi-lenient. But looking past the minor detail of not having money in my bank account or books with which to do any homework, I am fairly calm. Even after having done the math. I only have 3,080 assigned pages of reading. I only have to type 48 pages worth of papers (averaging the page limits for each paper) and do 4 separate group projects. And, with my major, I can always look forward to GRAD SCHOOL!!!

Guilty Pleasures...

By thePatrick

So, a couple of my coworkers, friends, folks who I need to jam with more often gave me the inspiration for this blog, seeing how they both did this exact same thing. So, the following is a list of some things that I can't live without, no matter how much I should. They are presented in no particular order, other than the order I thought them up.

1) Haribo Mini Rainbow Frogs
Sweet merciful heaven, these things are addicting. And, as opposed to other candies, just when I think that I must be done, there are more. On any road trip of any distance where Christy and I stop for some snacks, if there are any in the store, then they will be purchased by me.2) Vitamin Water - Essential
There is a reason that they named the Orange flavored Vitamin Water "Essential." I love that stuff. If I have some extra cash on campus, or if I am working a grave, I can pretty much guarantee that there will be a bottle of this with me.3) The Deftones
I am of the belief that many people are angry, but due to the norms or society, they keep their emotions bottled up. For example, I don't hop out of my car with a crowbar to severely beat the dimwitted individual who just cut me off and slammed on their breaks for the yellow light. Instead, I listen to the Deftones. Especially their Around the Fur album. 4) Alternative Press Magazine
So, I got addicted to Alternative Press when I was in Iraq. It was amazing that I found a magazine that actually talked about the bands and type of music that I was into. In another country. I probably should subscribe, but I think I would feel guilty asking Christy to let me subscribe to a magazine that's just for me.5) The Venture Bros.
So, I don't have TV. That's okay, because Adult Swim posts every episode of The Venture Bros. online before it airs on television. This is hands down, the best cartoon that I have seen in a long time. And Christy can even tolerate it in short bursts. 6) Fruit Snacks
While I wish I could just eat Mini Rainbow Frogs all the time, Fruit Snacks at least give me the illusion of being semi healthy. I mean, it has fruit right in the name! I don't care what brand it is, or if they are in the shape of fruit, smiles, or little cartoon characters, I am going to eat them.7) MLB 08 The Show
Just ask my wife. There are a few things that I like to do to relax. Most of those things involve playing this game on our PS2 (we're old school). I play a lot. And I mean a lot. So much that Christy hates every single song that is on the soundtrack. It is proof that she loves me, because she is the one that bought the game for me. Sometimes, I think she regrets.9) Killer Bunnies
This game rules. It can last for hours, get people so pissed off that they swear at their own spouse, and I love every minute of it. Those bunnies are evil, but addicting. If you want to play, give me a shout. Seriously.10) Hitting the Snooze Button
I do this. Multiple Times. I am not a morning person. I have no idea how I survived the Army. Let's just say that it's a good thing I work a swing shift. I quote this from the site I found this picture:

"The snooze button is 1) a reaction against a too-strict regulation of sleep, 2) an addictive crutch that enables sloth without the social repercussions, 3) a tool that allows transnavigation between waking and dreaming thus giving access to the hypnagogic state."
Couldn't have said it better myself.
So, I think that's enough. I mean, I feel really guilty. At least I would if I still had a conscience. Either way, feel free to follow my lead. It's kind of a relief to get all that out there.

The Third Ever...

By thePatrick

Hookah Night Reunion!!! That's right, boys and girls! Come one and come all to (insert exact location here later) this Saturday night! Norte and I have talked it over for at least 30 seconds, and we thought it would be a good idea to have people come to Logan this weekend. At least that way it's before school starts. If you know what I'm talking about, then this post is for you. If not, then just accept it for what it is, much like my random song lyrics. See you there! Call for an exact location!

p.s. at the current writing of this post, if Michael Phelps were a country, he would be tied for 16th in total medal count, and tied for 6th with total golds. The man is amazing. Too bad nobody will remember him until 2012 in London.