Random Ramblings

Procrastinating the Inevitable...

For Your Consideration...

By thePatrick

I humbly submit to you, ladies and gentlemen, this year's entry for Mustache March. It it pure awesomeness in it's most raw form.

For comparisons, to last year, check out Christy's blog here.

So far, my favorite responses have been those of jealousy, a kid in one of my classes laughing out loud, and the fact that Christy 1) had to turn the lights out last night before she would kiss me goodnight, and 2) had to cover up her face so that she wouldn't see mine this morning.

So please, please, please, leave me a comment and let me know how you best describe your feelings of wonder and awe at the rad-tasticness that exudes from these few pictures. HAPPY MOUSTACHE MARCH TO ALL OF YOU!!!

I Went A Little Mad Earlier Today...

By thePatrick

Just gotta say, heckuva season, fellas. Heckuva season...

Broken Social Scene...

By thePatrick

I don't know what it is, but I have been listening to these guys a lot lately. This is one of my favorite songs. Just thought I'd share.

Dear guys in front of me at Subway tonight...

By thePatrick

Hi. First of all, I want to thank the Subway people. I think employing two people to work during the dinner rush is a swell idea. Kudos to you. Because of the wait, I had to opportunity to sit behind you two love crazed baboons and your dates. Now, I'm not a girl, and I haven't been one for a while. And while I am married and feel as though I want to give you advice on what to say so that you can get a girl, it's really not my place to help you out there. But what I can do is offer you a few pointers on how not to sound like a couple of people so dense that cabbage feels smart when it hangs out with you.

1) If you look like you currently are on an LDS mission, you aren't going to convince anyone when you talk about how you "rock out hard to Metallica," or that you think "the more a band yells, the better their music is." No. Metallica sucks. There, I said it.
2) You are not convincing anyone of your technical prowess by explaining to your dates that you stream episodes of Monk from the USA website.
3) If you are trying to impress a girl about going to a concert and you don't even know the names of the bands you are going to go see, you probably should just leave it alone.
4) If a ticket to said concert costs $12, and the service charge is $4.95, that makes your ticket $16.95, not "over $20" like you claimed.
5) It's not cute when you ask the girl who is not your date if you can touch her toenails. That's just effing weird.
6) Also, no matter how cool you think it is, you should never brag to your dates that you down 2000 calories per meal on the weekends. Fat pigs are not equal to guys that get second dates.
7) Ditto point 6 when bragging about your epic Dungeons and Dragons battles that last "seriously like five and a half hours."

In summation, thank you for reminding me of yet another reason that I'm glad I'm married. I hope you all get fire cancer and die, or at the very least, choke to death on the three fistfulls of olives that you made the Subway girl put on your footlong. I have officially run out of words that express my disgust towards you.

Happy Birthday To...

By thePatrick


That's right, sucka, it's my birthday. Has been for over an hour. So, what am I doing up? Why, I'm working half a grave shift, of course. Isn't that what everyone does on their birthday? Oh, just me...

On a plus side, Christy loves me. She shows it many ways: cooking me food, letting me buy fruit snacks in bulk, listening to me incessantly ramble on and on about grad school when I haven't even taken the GRE or applied to a single school yet, and of course, she puts up with a lot of my music. Like Portugal. The Man.

Yes, there's supposed to be a period after Portugal. Don't ask me why, there just is. They are playing tonight. On my birthday. In SLC. Huzzah!

I hope they play this...

And this...

They make me smile lots. Which is good, because I'm working half a grave shift, and babykins isn't doing so well with the whole sleeping thing tonight. And now I'm old, which gives me one more reason to be cranky. Win.

Believe it or Not...

By thePatrick

I'm not dead!

But I don't even have a good excuse for only posting once in February.

On second thought, yes I do. You can even see my evidence below.

Yes, that's me, the cupid in the top left firing the bow and arrow. Yes, that's Steve Irwin. Yes, that's Mr. T. Yes, that's Robocop. And yes, that's George Washington riding a triceratops. It was a heck of a February. I hereby swear to uphold the Constitution of All things Awesome, and post more. Or the terrorists will win. I'm doing it for America...