Do You Believe In Gosh???

By thePatrick

So, because good things should never die, Mitch Hedberg released a CD this year. He's been dead since 2005. That doesn't matter. These are some of my favorite jokes from the CD.

• Remember that show "My Three Sons?" That'd be funny if it was called "My One Dad."
• I'm sick of Soup of the Day. It's time we make a decision!
• I got a vest. If I had my arms cut off, it would be a jacket.
• I got an idea for sweatshops...Air conditioning!
• NyQuil on the rocks...for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
• Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool opotamus?
• If I was the headless horseman's horse, I would mess with that dude. "Yeah, we're going that way. We're not headed towards the hay."
• When I'm on my hotel elevator, I like to pretend like someone else's floor is wrong. Like, if someone gets on and presses 3 I'm like "You're on 3? Hahahaha! Dude, I don't think I can ride with you"
• I wish all my clothes were made out of blankets. That way, if I fall asleep with my clothes on , well, I'm tucked in!
• A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.
• I got New Balance shoes on, but they're old, so I might start falling.

There are more, but I think that will suffice. Trust me, it's funny.