Random Ramblings

Procrastinating the Inevitable...

Happy Halloween...

By thePatrick

The following video contains the three things that are necessary for the Halloween holiday.
1) The Nightmare Before Christmas
2) The Corpse Bride
3) Oingo Boingo

It's All Crystal...

By thePatrick

So, apparently finances in America have hit a little hiccup. Luckily, while perusing the web this weekend, I stumbled upon these gems. Don't know if anybody has tried these approaches yet, but they really should consider them.

To Beard or Not to Beard...

By thePatrick

So, it seems like for the last little while of my life, I've rocked the beard. Most of the time, when people ask me why, I tell them that I have it to protect me from the harsh winter elements. Like I really need an excuse. So, in my many browsings of the interweb, I stumbled across this site titled "10 Very Good Reasons Why You Should Grow a Giant Beard." Check it out here.
I rest my case.

A Point of Clarification...

By thePatrick

On the poll. Indiana, Maryland, S.C. and Wayne State all offer the dual degree. USU and U of U both only offer the M.A. in History. I don't know if that changes your vote or not. And seriously, let me know which one you chose and why. Because I'm nosy like that. It may be election season, but this isn't a secret ballot.
And I don't care who you are voting for, the picture for this post should make you laugh.

A Long, Drawn Out Post About My Post-Graduation Plans...

By thePatrick

So, lately I have seen a bunch of friends and family that I hadn't for a while. During the usual catching up, they all ask about how school is going, and then ask what it is I'm studying. When I tell them I'm a History major with a Philosophy minor, obviously they ask me about job prospects. Let's face it, it's not like during these economic times people are begging for historians and philosophers to come and save the world.
Believe it or not, lately the plan has been to punish myself even further by going on to Grad School. Originally I had toyed with the idea of going on to get my PhD in History and becoming a professor. At least until recently when I met with my adviser.
My adviser just happens to be a History professor. He told me that being a History might not be the smartest idea ever. Again, it's not like people are pining for the days when historians were more readily available. But, he gave me a suggestion, and the more I thought about it, the better it sounded. He had recently written a letter of recommendation for a past student who just started Grad School this fall. He is getting a joint Master's degree in History and Library Science. With that degree you could work in the archives of a library, or as a curator in a museum, or something else of that nature, which fits along well with my nerd-ness.
So, the more I looked into it, the more I liked it. I searched the internet and I could find four universities that offer the joint M.A. in History and Library Science. Indiana University, University of Maryland, University of South Carolina, and Wayne State University (in Detroit).
Now, graduation is about a year off, and all my applications for Grad School would be due shortly before that, but that's not the important thing. The important thing is the poll at the top of the page, because I want to know what you think. Where should Patrick go? I'm interested to see what you say. Poll closes at the end of the month. And leave a comment here, too.
Long and drawn out enough for you?

And Yet Again, USU Astounds Me...

By thePatrick

So, apparently my last post made some people sad. That really wasn't the intent, but to have you laugh at the dumbness that was mine to enjoy for 8+ years. But, to make everyone feel better, I have this...
Now be happy.
For reals...

What I'm Sure the Army Meant to Write to Me...

By thePatrick

For those of you that don't know, my contract with the Army was up last fall. They still pay me the G.I. Bill (although decreased significantly) to go to school. They decreased it as soon as I left, but kept paying me the higher rate. So, this semester (and however long they want to keep it up for) they are going to just not pay me to make up for their mistake until they get their money back. They sent an official letter, but it was really wordy, so I'm going to type up what they meant to say for you to read.

Dear beloved Army Veteran,
Thanks ever so much for going to Iraq for us. I know that it really sucks that we promise to send you to school, but you can't argue that winning the Heisman in NCAA Football 06 and beating Grand Theft Auto wasn't educational. Naturally, we appreciate the fact that you got blown up multiple times, and were shot at, too. But hey, we gave you a nifty piece of paper and a couple of badges, so we feel that we're square.
Now, we know that you've been going to school, trying to put your Army past behind you. Good for you, but we still want to mess up your life. Even more than making you scared of fireworks and flashes of light. We love you enough to give you the benefits that Truman set up for WWII vets, but here's the deal. You got out a month and a half after your original contract expired. In all your talk with us, we failed to mention that if you do that the amount of your G.I. Bill will be cut by about 37%. We know, you were planning on using that money to help pay off your wife's anesthesia bills or your mortgage, and it's not like the U.S. economy is at it's strongest. But still, we're going to do it. Just another way for the Army to screw with you after you're done with us.
Two To Ya,
Uncle Sam

That's about it. I found out about this a week ago, but had to wait this long to be able to post something that I could read to my little girl and not feel bad for using foul language. I'm better. Still mildly pissed, but better. Also, my parents rock. Mom and dad, thanks for understanding.

How to Write Real Good...

By thePatrick

I have recently found a blog written by a professor somewhere in the Los Angeles area. He's kind of witty, loves his job and his family, and even makes fun of Sarah Palin shooting Bullwinkle. But, none of that matters. What matters is that a majority of my classes this semester require me to write papers of varying lengths, anywhere from 6 to 20 pages. So, I was tickled when he posted a piece that he found in the New York Times by William Safire. At least these rules are atributed to him. Read, use, enjoy.

1. Always avoid alliteration.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague-they’re old hat.
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.
8. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
9. Contractions aren’t necessary.
10. Do not use a foreign word when there is an adequate English quid pro quo.
11. One should never generalize.
12. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
13. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
14. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
15. It behooves you to avoid archaic expressions.
16. Avoid archaeic spellings too.
17. Understatement is always best.
18. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
19. One-word sentences? Eliminate. Always!
20. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
21. The passive voice should not be used.
22. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
23. Don’t repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
24. Who needs rhetorical questions?
25. Don’t use commas, that, are not, necessary.
26. Do not use hyperbole; not one in a million can do it effectively.
27. Never use a big word when a diminutive alternative would suffice.
28. Subject and verb always has to agree.
29. Be more or less specific.
30. Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.
31. Use youre spell chekker to avoid mispeling and to catch typograhpical errers.
32. Don’t repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
33. Don’t be redundant.
34. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
35. Don’t never use no double negatives.
36. Poofread carefully to see if you any words out.
37. Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
38. Eschew obfuscation.
39. No sentence fragments.
40. Don’t indulge in sesquipedalian lexicological constructions.
41. A writer must not shift your point of view.
42. Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!
43. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
44. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
45. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
46. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
47. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
48. Always pick on the correct idiom.
49. The adverb always follows the verb.
50. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
51. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be by rereading and editing.
52. And always be sure to finish what

I Don't Know What To Say...

By thePatrick

No seriously, I've got nothing...

Looking to Kill Some Time This Weekend???

By thePatrick

So, it took me a while, but I finally found a template for the blog. I tend to like it. Let me know what you think. Anyway, it's Conference Weekend. Pajama Church, as I like to call it. But I'm headed to Pocatello (don't ask). So, I decided to leave you the best 5 links I found lately. They made me smile. Chiggity-Check it...

Ever wonder what your name would be if you were born a Palin?

Think you know your U.S. Presidents?
How much of what the candidates say is utter crap?
The Apocalypse is coming...do you know what to do?
Sweet merciful heaven, this game is addicting

There you go. Enjoy life. Until next time.

Do You Believe In Gosh???

By thePatrick

So, because good things should never die, Mitch Hedberg released a CD this year. He's been dead since 2005. That doesn't matter. These are some of my favorite jokes from the CD.

  • Remember that show "My Three Sons?" That'd be funny if it was called "My One Dad."
  • I'm sick of Soup of the Day. It's time we make a decision!
  • I got a vest. If I had my arms cut off, it would be a jacket.
  • I got an idea for sweatshops...Air conditioning!
  • NyQuil on the rocks...for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
  • Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool opotamus?
  • If I was the headless horseman's horse, I would mess with that dude. "Yeah, we're going that way. We're not headed towards the hay."
  • When I'm on my hotel elevator, I like to pretend like someone else's floor is wrong. Like, if someone gets on and presses 3 I'm like "You're on 3? Hahahaha! Dude, I don't think I can ride with you"
  • I wish all my clothes were made out of blankets. That way, if I fall asleep with my clothes on , well, I'm tucked in!
  • A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.
  • I got New Balance shoes on, but they're old, so I might start falling.
There are more, but I think that will suffice. Trust me, it's funny.