Random Ramblings

Procrastinating the Inevitable...

We Have Nothing to Fear But...

By thePatrick

Alright, admittedly I am more liberal than a vast majority of my family. I voted in the Democratic Primary, I don't think that Clinton was necessarily a bad president just because he and I had opposing morals, and I am all about pulling the troops out of Iraq. However, even some of you more conservative types (yes, Chris: King of the Gingers, I'm talking to you) should be able to see my point of view on this issue.

Dunkin' Donuts has pulled this add featuring Rachael Ray because she was wearing a scarf that looked like a kaffiyeh, the traditional Arab headdress. Tied around her neck. That's right. She wasn't wearing a kaffiyeh. She was wearing a scarf. And in the ads, it looked like a traditional headdress worn by Arab men. Men. Don't get me wrong, pulling anything with Rachael Ray is not a bad thing. But for those reasons? Rachael Ray may be the embodiment of all that is evil, but she is not a man. And she is not Arabic. And even if she is in support of, oh, I don't know, the world's largest religion, Islam, is that a reason to pull an ad about Iced Coffee?

One of the biggest supporters of the pull was conservative commentator Michelle Malkin. I'm not against people speaking their minds, I mean, I'm posting this on a blog, for crying out loud. But shouldn't you think about what you are going to write, especially if what you write is going to be nationally syndicated? Malkin says:
The kaffiyeh has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad. Popularized by Yasser Arafat and a regular adornment of Muslim terrorists appearing in beheading and hostage-taking videos, the apparel has been mainstreamed by both ignorant (and not-so-ignorant) fashion designers, celebrities, and left-wing icons."

I own a kaffiyeh. I also own a dishdasha, or "man-dress," but that doesn't make me a supporter of terrorism or Islamic extremism. I doesn't make me identify with Palestine. I am speculating here, but Yasser Arafat probably wore it because he was an Arabic male. From what I learned while I was in Iraq, there are three different versions. The black and white kaffiyeh is worn by single men. The red and white ones are worn by married men. And the pure white ones are worn by Islamic clerics.

Anyway, sorry I don't agree with pulling a donut ad over a scarf. By posting this, I invite everyone to come on over, try it on. I learned about 3 different ways to wear it. Try on the man-dress. We'll have a good time. Just don't bring any coffee, because by doing so, you single-handedly support all slavery used during the 1700s to produce coffee for the British and their colonies. And that's just wrong...

Pork and Beans...

By thePatrick

I deep heart luff this new Weezer song. Count the pop culture references...ready? GO!!!

Can you guess who is excited for the June 3 CD release date?

License to Breed...

By thePatrick

So, I've been thinking. The government requires us get a license for almost everything. Driving, hunting, fishing, gun ownership, work permits, licenses to practice medicine and law. Music is licensed, video games are licensed, we even need tags and registration for dogs. Why doesn't the government take matters into their own hands, and truly try to help out the American population. We need to have a license to breed. Prospective partners should have to stand in a long line, worse than the D.M.V., because the weak ones will not even survive the lines. After filling out fifteen different government forms in triplicate, then they will have to undergo genetic testing, a rigorous physical exam, and most importantly, an IQ test. If you don't pass, tough luck. Your breeding rights are terminated. And should you break the law and breed anyway, I'm all for the death penalty. Not for you, but for your genetic mishap of an offspring. Maybe that will help cut down on all the stupidity that runs rampant through our neighborhoods. Maybe then, the dumb will go away. And, just maybe, it's been a long day at work surrounded by oxygen thieves and this is my way to vent.
p.s. I was tagged for a thingy by my sister Ginger. It's the post below this one. If you want to see a less cynical side of me, keep on scrolling.

All About Me Alphabetically (Because I love Ginger)

By thePatrick

A. ATTACHED OR SINGLE? I'm rather fond of my wife.

B. BEST FRIEND? Christy. Norte is a very close second. Also Matticus. And Choncho.

C. CAKE OR PIE? Pie. Unless it's a Funfetti cake.

D. DAY OF CHOICE? Any day off is a good one.

E. ESSENTIAL ITEMS? Guitar, iPod, Headphones.

F. FAVORITE COLORS? Red, Black, Gray

G. GUMMY BEARS OR WORMS? Bears. I like to lick their spine and feel them dissolve.

H. HOMETOWN? Preston, Idaho.

I. INDULGENCE? I swear upon everything holy, I could down an entire box of Wal-Mart Fruit Smiles.

J. JANUARY OR JULY? January. I'm a big fan of the hoodie, and July prevents that.

K. KIDS? Baby girl is due in 18 days...


M. MARRIAGE DATE? June 2, 2006.

N. NUMBER OF BROTHERS AND SISTERS? Doing the math, I guess it's 3 sisters and 1/2 a brother. (2 sisters, 2 half sisters, 1 half brother)

O. ORANGES OR APPLES. I'm a big orange fan.

P. PHOBIAS OR FEARS? Not knowing when fireworks are going to go off...

Q. QUOTE:"Philosophy is perfectly right in saying that life must be understood backward. But then one forgets the other clause--that it must be lived forward." - Soren Kierkegaard

R. REASON TO SMILE: If I don't, my face will crack.


T. TAG 5 PEOPLE: No. Let them tag themselves. That's where freedom and determinism comes in.

U. UNKNOWN FACT ABOUT ME: Once in Iraq, while on a patrol, we got hit with an I.E.D. while I was drinking a coke. I finished the can before I got out to check the other vehicles.

V. VEGETABLES? We grilled some corn on the cob the other day...

W. WORST HABIT? I tend to bite my nails.

X. X-RAY OR ULTRASOUND? X-rays just tell me I broke something, ultrasounds help me fix it.

Y. YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? I love a good pastrami sandwich.


An Open Letter to the Guy who keeps "shhhh"ing other people who talk when I am talking...

By thePatrick

Knock it off. If you make noise, on top of their noise, it causes me to think violent thoughts about random passersby. Should your interrupting happen at work, then I am reminded that I do not have to pass through metal detectors or get frisked for anything when I first walk through the doors. Same goes for classes. All in all, you should shut up. For real. My friends and I took a vote, and you should go kill yourself. Don't like the result, then go ahead and blame democracy. But should you do that, the communists win. And nobody wants that.
Cease and Desist,

Nesting Instinct

By thePatrick

As was promised, here is a story about a baby duck that we adopted this weekend. While I was at work, I got a phone call from Christy, telling me that while she was driving to the flower shop where she works, she saw a baby duck running across the road. Now, we are in this baby preparation class, and one of the things they tell us about is the mother's to be having a "nesting instinct." I didn't know that it was going to be a literal nest. She just had to save this duck, and so she put it in her purse and brought it to work. Luckily, the people she works with weren't too weirded out by a baby duck in a purse, however, her boss did think it was a small rodent, and screamed quite loud.
Luckily, this isn't the first baby duckling that we had to save. A while back, Christy and Norte took young Llama under their care (weird name for a duck, I know), and we pretty much knew what to do. Anyway, Norte was the babysitter (ducksitter?) while we both were at work. He came in at 3:00 to replace me, and lovingly handed over a box with a duckling, so that young Nibbles (that's what Norte and I decided to name him) still had a responsible keeper. I walked home, stopping at Subway to purchase a sandwich for me, and a loaf of bread for a duck. I spent a good portion of the afternoon feeding bread to a duck that was swimming around in my bathtub.
After Christy got home, we went for a walk along the ditch by where we live, since we had seen a little duck family there earlier. We found said duck family, and I walked down the banks of the ditch, with little Nibbles in my hand. He ran down the bank, and splashed right in line with a Mama and Daddy duck, and their two other babies. All was right with the universe. So glad that we can help out with duck life.

Patrick: Author?

By thePatrick

Just a heads up for those of you with other things that you need to do, this post may be rather long. But here it goes. I have decided that Festivus is an amazing thing. For those of you that don't know what I'm talking about, check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Festivus. One of the best parts about Festivus is the public airing of grievances. Now, supposedly, you are only supposed to talk about the ways that your family has disappointed you, but I propose that we expand that to the ways that people in general are disappointing.
"What brings this on?" you may ask, and "What's the deal with the title of this blog?" Well, let me tell you. Today, Raisor and I were talking while we were at work, surrounded by an overabundance of stupidity. We started talking about things that in general pissed us off. Stupid drivers. People who walk slow in front of you. He mentioned my CNN post the other day. The list grew and grew. It didn't help that as Raisor was driving, we were surrounded by people who won, but only that very first race that gave them life (if you don't know what I'm talking about, think hard. Everyone wins one race. Still have questions, I'll be glad to clear it up.)
Now, for those of you that don't know, Raisor is quite the artist. You really should check out his blog, linked in my sidebar. He seems to think that I have a gift for writing. Maybe it's because I don't edit, I just type like I would speak. Regardless, we decided that we needed to combine my writing, his art, and our overabundant skepticism and write a book. It is tentatively titled Make the Dumb Go Away.
Anyway, I think that it's going to be just a light book, with nothing too in depth. We will have chapters written basically like blog posts about each subject. If you're interested, I would even post drafts on here. But now I'm jumping ahead of myself. We do have some ideas on things to write about: bad drivers, people who have to one up you, why you should be allowed to mount a 50 caliber on top of any civilian vehicle, memory loss, and other things. Additionally, I've thought of: not being 'that guy' at a concert, not being 'that guy' in your class, and why increasing your admission rates to a university will effectively lower the collective I.Q. of the gene pool.
Naturally, we want people to laugh when we read this book, or at least start carrying more handguns. Whatever. But I think we need your help. So, in all earnestness, I turn to you, my six or so readers. Is there something that you see around you that makes you want to, in the words of Norte, punch a baby lamb in the face? Are you surrounded by people who won once and never again? Are there people in your life who, if they no longer were around, civilization as a whole would not only thank you, but they would create a universal holiday celebrating your majesty? Let me know!
So, that's about it. Stupid people run rampant, and we all have to deal with them. Maybe I'm trying to make this contribution to the world so it's a better place for my children to live. Sorry this is so long winded, but just know I love you all, because we can air our collective grievances about the stupidity of mankind.
p.s. Today, Christy saved an orphaned baby duckling. More on that story with my next post.

Since it's America's Pasttime...

By thePatrick

One of the problems that I've noticed with living in Utah, is an immense lack of professional sporting teams. Sure, we have the Jazz, but what does that give us during the summer? Real Salt Lake? Meh... Anywho, I've decided that I want to be a baseball fan, and in being a baseball fan, I need a favorite team whose greatness I can argue about at the many baseball-themed outings that I frequently attend. So, I'm turning to you, my faithful readers (i.e., people who randomly stumble upon this blog). Who should that team be? I really only have two brushes with baseball. First, when I was around 8, I played little league. I was on the Royals, which is one connection I have. The second? I was given a baseball game for the Playstation on my birthday this year. I created a player, and am trying to make it to the Hall of Fame. He was signed by the Mets, so there's that.
Anyway, who should it be? You tell me...

Top 5 Angry Songs

By thePatrick

I just thought that I would start posting some top 5 lists. I don't know why. I don't know if it matters, either. But for this first one, just realize that I am at work, and have had to deal with an enormous amount (even larger than usual) of stupidity today. So, I give to you, my top 5 angry songs. They are usually good songs to blast right after you got a speeding ticket, or something else of that nature. Really riles up the senses. So without further ado:

5) My Own Summer (Shove It) by Deftones - This song has everything an angry song needs: a screaming chorus, repetitive guitar riffs, and instruments tuned to drop whatever. Amazing. The kind of thing you want to listen to as you watch people walk up and down the left side of a stairway or sidewalk.

4) I Hate Everyone by Get Set Go - For those who don't know, Get Set Go combine light hearted melodies with the most spiteful lyrics known to man. Plus, Mike TV is the kind of guy who actually writes down, and then sings, the crap that most of us think and wouldn't dream of uttering. He should write a song about people who don't know the difference between "you're" and "your".

3) Cecilia and the Silhouette Saloon by The Blood Brothers - First off, I deep heart luff The Blood Brothers. So sad they broke up last year. However, if yelps are any indication, then this song is meant to be listened to loudly at red lights after having just been cut off by the last car to make it through the green.

2) Ladies and Gentlemen: My Brother, The Failure by Thursday - After the one and a half second drum intro, when the guitars jump in with the main riff, the energy is so tense that you can just punch slow moving people in the back of the head, and not even have to worry about the consequences.

1) Cold Cash and Colder Hearts by Thrice - Jump to 1:59 in the song, and then you will know what I mean. This song is held together by Riley Breckenridge on drums. He's amazing, and his energy is what drives this song. Play this while you are stuck behind the car that is driving 5 mph below the speed limit with its turn signal on.

Now Rawk it! And don't let the stupidity of the world get you down.

I don't know what to say...

By thePatrick

So, in my random internet surfings, I ran across this screen capture taken from cnn.com. I don't know where to begin. Obviously, there is something seriously wrong with this situation. By all means, let's not focus on the House approving $70 BILLION for wars, or the fact that we found a torture chamber and even more mass graves in Iraq (see circled part in the upper right). Naturally, the most newsworthy event of the day is helping parents find out what to tell their kids (and how to tell them) that Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant. To quote Lewis Black, "there's a joke there, but I don't even know what it is."
The thing is, we can't blame the media. It's not the political left or the political right, or the middle of the road. It's our fault. CNN is worried about ratings and number of hits to their page daily, and we have let them know that this is the kind of garbage that we think is actually newsworthy. So, let's stop it. For real. Isn't there more important news that we should care about?
p.s. If we're going to talk about something that doesn't matter, at least as part of the global view, let's mention that the Jazz won the series last night, and the Hawks forced a game 7 with the Celtics. THAT'S newsworthy.

So, I guess I'm a sheep...

By thePatrick

That's right, I caved. Christy has been writing a blog for us. Mostly, I'm sure it's going to be a blog for baby and her. So, I decided that the world needs to be updated with my random "ness" and this would be yet another way to do that. I don't know that any of this will be worth reading. Expect a lot of music related stuff. Expect me to brag about my little girl. Expect me to complain about school. Expect me to rant on and on about the stupid people I work with. I guess that the title says it all: expect some random ramblings.
Rawk it!