Random Ramblings

Procrastinating the Inevitable...

The Worst Nemesis to Have...

By thePatrick

There are some people who, for whatever reason, decide that they are going to be someone's arch enemy. Somebody with something to prove. And those people always seem to have to prove it at the expense of others. Now, a lot of thought has gone into this post. I've talked it over with some people, and realized that there are some exceptions, like if your arch rival is a giant talking ear of corn, but generally, there is a universal rule that applies to everyone, at least those with some semblance of a conscience. The world's worst nemesis is the person who it is socially unacceptable to beat down.

Case in point: about a month ago, the weather was nice as I got off of work one Saturday afternoon, and decided that, rather than bug my 8 1/2 month pregnant wife for a ride, I would just walk. So, along the street I strolled, drowning out the argumentative voices in my head with my always handy iPod. About 100 yards into my walk, two girls, who could have been no older than 7, jumped out at me from behind a fence. Already easily startled due to past life experiences, I'm not a big fan of people jumping out to scare me. Normally, I would have at least yelled at someone, but in this case, I could only smile. Why, because it's not "right" for me to choke slam two seven year old girls to the ground.

The first case is someone you work with, especially if you are in the human services department. That lady who just brought back her hamburger for the um-teenth time cannot be roundhouse kicked to the face, no matter how deserving she may be. The lard who made you pull out 17 different pairs of jeans from the back room and then walked away without buying anything, not even a pack of gum from the register, he gets off scott free because no matter how much you want to rip out his spinal column and beat him with it, it's wrong. And, because you like being employed, there is absolutely nothing you can do to your boss. Ever. Period.

Anyone who has lower social standing than you is also off limits. Perhaps, an illustrated diagram would help out. Take this first picture. Now, I can only assume that some punk with a black belt in karate comes and tries to take the lunch money of a poor amputee. The amputee is in the right to defend himself with force. In image two, we see some punk in a wheelchair come onto the scene. We already so know that the amputee can take care of himself, but it is socially unacceptable for a guy with one leg to fight a guy with no working legs, so he gets taken down, thereby improving the self esteem of the wheelchair thug. Now, with an inflated ego, wheelchair thug goes over to the already deflated karate black belt and gives him a hip check or something of that nature just for good measure. Jerk. Nobody can touch him. He's in a wheelchair, and that makes him off limits. And he knows it. He's coming for you next, and there's nothing you can do.

So, there you have it. None of your customers can be beaten. Your boss is strictly off limits. And as long as there is someone of lower social standing, you can't touch them. I don't care if the kid in the wheelchair is taking out your ankles from behind while he hums Nickelback off key while making fun of your grandma. He's off limits, as long as you have one good leg to stand on. Now, fantasizing about throwing people off of cliffs? As long as it's in your mind, it's fair game. And that has gotten me through many a day at work.


Your blog was like music to my ears! Unfortunately your blog came a few hours late for me. I will soon be charged with assault and battery on a little old lady in a wheelchair. I asked nicely several times to stop running into the back of my legs with her chair but she just kept doing it. I couldn't take it anymore...

Setting people on fire is one of my favorite fantasies. If only I could live it out one day...

When I do something stupid I act retarded so people wont hold it against me.

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